Mastering Tough Conversations
(Originally published on LinkedIn)
You're bound to participate in a tough conversation from time to time and the truth is, some of the most significant progress can stem from tough conversations! Rather than avoiding them and letting things fester and/or escalate, let's review a few tips that will allow us to tackle tough conversations head-on and create positive outcomes for everyone involved.
ASSUME INNOCENCE
Half of the battle in preparing yourself to initiate a difficult discussion or even trickier, finding yourself in a difficult conversation you weren't expecting, is seeing things from the other person's point of view. If you have a negative lense on, the discussion will have nowhere to steer itself, but to a negative place. If you assume innocence and have a positive outcome as an end goal, the conversation will be directed toward that goal. Remember...for the most part, people aren't evil, they are just looking at things in a different way than you are.
FOCUS ON FACTS, NOT STORIES
Approach all difficult discussions with facts, rather than the stories you've created in your head about the situation. Stories induce feelings and by separating the facts from emotions, you're much less likely to have a negative, emotional reaction that would likely lead to an unproductive discussion. Here's an example of a simple situation at work: It's 9:15am and your employee (Jim) should have been at work at 9am. He's not answering his phone and he's about to miss an important meeting. Fact = Jim is late. Potential stories = Jim doesn't care about anyone else's time. Jim is lazy. Jim is disrespectful. Jim has a terrible work ethic. Jim probably slept in. Etc. See the difference? If you allow your stories to dictate your tone and message to Jim when he arrives at work, it will likely be a rather negative and unproductive discussion, leaving both you and Jim feeling angry. If, however, you come from a place of concern and focus on the fact that he was indeed late, but assume innocence, you'll likely receive a much different reaction.
BE DIRECT AND FOCUS ON THE SOLUTION
No one enjoys passive-aggressive behavior and chances are, if you're thinking about initiating a difficult discussion, the person on the receiving end already senses something is up. Be direct with your concerns and share your desired outcome (while assuming innocence and focusing on facts of course). This will lead to a shorter, more productive discussion that should, in turn, result in a shared solution.